"I like whiskers on kittens, big woolen mittens, copper kettles, streudles and noodles, these are a few of my favorite things."-Applesauce Pete

5 of your favorite things

-gym shoes...aww heck all shoes!

-sweaters with kangaroo pockets and hoods. a.k.a. A Hoodie

-Naps

-cheese, bread, whipped cream, and juice-I figured I could lump all the food items into one category

-Imagine me and you. It's true. Lounging around a campfire in a soft hoodie so happy together!

5 things you wanted to be when you grew up

-Lawyer because I heard they made bank. But then ditched it after I heard how much school they had to go through.

-Dental Hygienist-ditched also when I heard how competative it is.

-Stewardess-Just think about it! Travel for work? AWESOME!

-Speech Pathologist-only slightly ditched, still roaming somewhere around the depths of my subconscious between Optomotrist and Professional Baker.

-Writer/Editor-only recently acquired

5 of the best compliments that you have ever received

- some old "Biker for Jesus" dude at the ticket gate to the Rodeo told me I have a beautiful smile. If a compliment comes from a dirty old man, is it still valid?

-People always tell me I have nice legs, or in some cases they say I have such killer legs they want to stab me.

-A few people tell me that I should be a writer. Give me a shout out in comment form about what you think.

- At the rodeo one of my sisters old friends didn't recognize me, he thought I was a cousin. I took that as a compliment. Perhaps it means that I have actually gotten cuter since my afro puff bangs, coke bottle glasses, honkey style days.

- a couple dudes have actually told me I have a really nice butt, brought to my attention only because my siblings do not share my ample genetic gift. I've always thought it as weird to vocalize such compliments, but heck I'll take it and to this day it still makes me feel on top of old smokey.

5 songs that you would pick as your theme songs.

- Back in Black-AC/DC

- Save Room-John Legend

- Ready, Aim, Misfire-New Years Day

- That Girl has Love-Rooney

-Johnny and June-Heidi Newfield

Honorable Mention: Stickshifts and Safetybelts-Cake, Last of Days-A Fine Frenzy, Time is Running Out-Muse

5 people that inspire(d) you.

-My Mom-who supports me whatever lame or ridiculous choices I make.

-6'3" Beach Volleyball player Kerri Walsh and her partner Misty May-Treanor, who have inspired me to "get up offa that thing" and train to be in 2010 Olympics.

-That one surfer girl who got her arm bit off by a shark. She got her biscuit right back onto that surfboard, worked out her balancing with one arm issues and surfed her way into American's hearts.

-Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs. He makes my previous jobs seem like a switchboard operator. I salute you with a tip of my squeaky clean cap.

-Myself. Someone once said "The only player better than yourself, is the one you are tomorrow." Thus is life.

5 things I like about county fairs/festivals

-I have a love hate relationship with carnies. I love looking at them and taking pictures of their meticulously sculpted mullets, but hate it when they talk to me.

-two words. Commerical Booth. another two. Free Stuff.

-Petting Zoo. I love seein' me a fresh shaved sheep.

-Elephant Ears

-All the food choices! I love having options! Like do I want a burger? or should I walk 2 feet and get a gyro? Decisions decisions!!!

5 things I take with me when I leave the house

-phone

-keys

-iPod

-purse?

-extra pairs of clothes

5 of my favorite days of the year

-Birthday

-Christmas

-Halloween

-St. Patricks Day

-No Pants Day. It's real. Believe it.

5 genres of music I listen to

-Huge fan of the 80's

-Soft spot in my heart for Oldies.

-Country

-Rock

-Acoustic? If that can even be considered a genre

5 of my favorite places to shop

-Forever 21 for shoes

-American Eagle I suppose

-PacSun

-WinCo Foods

-Target. Enough said right?

I spotted this little gem on a fellow bloggers blog. I resent that! Why do mormons have to be categorized with baby killers and dikes on bikes???? And personally, I don't think sports nuts are THAT bad. Sports Nuts who think you're dumb for not knowing who won the Stanley Cup in 1984? (that'd be the Oilers-with Wayne Gretzky) Now thats a whole new chestnut altogether. Last I checked...tax evaders are more despicable than us mormons, so hows about they get stereotyped instead.

Ask me about my balls!!!

I don't think I need to mention-but am going to anyway-how my blog promise has gone. I blogged a full..2 MAYBE 3 times. But it goes without saying that's just the way I roll. I like to keep people guessing. Before I get on to the subject of today's blog, I want to shout out to the Moses Lake Round-up Rodeo and Demolition Derby. Except the Rodeo part-not yet anyway. Hey oh! This Demo Derby ain't seen nothin yet, and I mean this. Last night I got my grubbies on, and went to help Josh and Emily gut her demo car. After experimenting with the windshield-trying to break it that is. I gave up because I hate loud noises and that's all I was successfully doing. Later on, we tried to get a side window out-but couldn't. So I conducted another experiment. The Window vs. The Hammer. This wasn't a WWF Smackdown. This was complete and utter annihilation!!! That window SHATTERED. For safety reasons I had Josh and Emily back up so they were behind me, you know me Safety McSaferson without safety spectacles. There was glass everywhere. I'm pretty sure that was THE biggest adrenaline rush I have ever had. That and the knowledge that I wasn't gonna get in trouble for shattering a window probably helped the adrenaline high.


I baked a cake for a friends birthday the other day. It was one of those Better Than Sex Cakes-not that I would know if it truly were better. I've had this cake before, but I've never made it myself. Nor do I even know how it is yet, because of scheduling conflicts I have yet to hand over the birthday shenanigan. This brings me to a cupcake place I stumbled upon back in Rexburg. I do believe its called the Cocoa Bean. It was basically a gourmet cupcakery that served sno-cones too. And Gourmet it was.

They had a cupcake version of my sinful-pun intended-cake. It was rich, chocolaty, with caramely fantasies, and toffee dreams. I made it my supreme goal after making this cake, that I would find said recipe for incredible decadence even if it took me to the farthest reaches of the Internet. And along for the ride was my crazed desire for the insanely delectable Red Velvet cupcake recipe they had there. I found recipes that were similar, but none that promised me the joy of my first time. That first succulent bite. Around the time I thought all was lost, I stumbled to this lady's blog. It was something about a Bakerella. I assumed that she was either terrible at baking, super good at baking, or a kitchen slave. Just my luck. She was a Kitchen slave who was super good at baking! I perused her baking successes and thought of my impending baking catastrophes...until I found a recipe. First glance at the picture, and I could have sworn it was my Magic Cookie Ball impostor. My eyes had fashnookered me. Lo and behold this recipe held a secret secret. No cookie? THAT'S MADNESS!!

After further chef worthy ready, I quickly saw that it was a recipe so divine that I would surely have people anywhere short of drooling all over their perma-wrinkled Hollister cargo's. Oh their taste buds will rejoice! Not to mention mine as well. I am definately adding this weapon of mass delight to my extensive recipe arsenal that I will call upon one day to wage some serious war that will help me snag myself a real honey-by being the bomb dessert (aka awesome) that will blow the schnikies out of their minds. This ball looks to be so mouthwateringly tasty, that when it rears it gorgeous head, the heavens truly will open and shower down rainbow colored jimmies and everyone's trouble will melt away like lemon drops. Eat your heart out Judy Garland and watch out World...and friends alike. Say Hello, to my little (new found) friend. The Cake Ball.

The Pack of the Fanny

After some intense blog-perusing looking for a little inspiration for today's rant..ahem I mean blog, I found the perfect topic. Contrary to what you thought by the title of this blog, it is not about bums, rumps, booties, badonks, hindquarters, or posteriors. I am sorry if I misled you in any way, continue on if you are not severely disappointed and/or leave me a comment about it and maybe I will weave an ode to your bum.








But-no pun intended-it is about fanny packs. Ridiculous as the group on ABDC seems-they can do a few things I can't, so I can't knock them, fanny packs are pretty rad. But I would encourage them to only be worn out of mocking-but in mocking you are allowed to fill it with necessities i.e. germ-x, moist towelettes, suckers, jolly ranchers, ring pops, chapstick, phones, ipods, and the like. But if anyone seriously considered it, I'm talking to the monogrammed extent that no one should consider, then it is automatically a fashion faux paux. A fashion DON'T even try! For example, girls camp 2008. Yours truly was in attendance, and in my new found authoritative position, took it upon myself to supply every estrogen producing adolescent with band-aids, suckers, germ-x, chapstick, mosquito bite medicine, Tylenol/Benadryl-which apparently you aren't allowed to dole out, but was SO necessary for myself- as needed. All of which I crammed into my handy dandy hot pink and purple 1980's original fanny pack. Fashionable and quite popular at girls camp I was. Oh yes my friends, Columbia outdoors knew how to make me fashionable on the trail then, and are still crankin out high quality North Face rival mountain survival gear today, but with an updated color palette of course.



I petition to jean/short designers and manufacturers worldwide, that they make men's jeans and shorts just one big pocket. Obviously men can't carry enough in their pockets, thus the dawn of the ever homo-I apologize for the stereotype-man-bag. What's a girl to do when their lover can't fit their keys into his pockets? Stuff them deep into the abyss of her blouse? I think not. It is highly noticeable not to mention extremely uncomfortable, but it does allow you a dirty little secret next time someone asks to see your keys. Dare I say that they have been where no man/key has been before? So next time you are jean shopping men and the ladies both, buy a pair with adequate pocket space enough for all your gadgets and toiletries, or get comfortable with stressing out over matching your new sensible fanny pack or man bag to the rest of your ensemble. Good Luck future don'ts! I bid you lucky shopping!

Fellow Knows Best

I do heartily apologize for the lack of the blog from my department. I have not held up my contract. I would like to blame it on me actually have gotten a life and done some things. But alas. Lie I do. It is true that I have been out of town quite a bit, but that does not excuse this behavior. So I am going to do a little experiment. I am going to blog every day for the next week.

I went on a mini-cation a couple weekends ago. It was amazing. Lincoln City, Oregon never even saw Hurricane Stoker coming. It was a complete surprise attack from the ocean accompanied by rogue and sneaker waves. Tagard Outlet mall has consumed every bit of my carefully planned out 401K. It was an exciting weekend filled with clamming which is quite the hot new extreme sport. Might I also add that this particular Stoker branch-especially my entity-doesn't eat clam, nor do we have any idea of how we would go about the consumption of said vile crustacean. Antiqueing also wasted a majority of our weekend. Here I thought antiqueing would be an enlightening experience taking my brain back to a better time. Yea a better time that is assanignly expensive to remember. It was an expensive garage sale of junk.

Now I would like to jump a few weeks that were filled with a few special things but none of grave importance to blog readers anywhere-ooh except for American Idol which was fab as well it should have been-to today.

I decided to hit the garden hard today, and pick some berries of the rasp persuasion. And pick I did. Minus the exception of a few disgust-a-berries, I got a farmers market quality bowl of the Stoker household delicacy. I braved the elements. Sun, Wind, and spiders. Those 8-legged miscrients are a disgrace to my garden. As if delving myself deep into overgrown, berry-bearing pricklers isn't enough sacrifice for the sweet treat, I had to keep an eye out for those potentially fatal sneaklers. Similar looking to a bee keeper, I was fully clothed just to make sure I completely thwarted every vampiric spider from sampling my always light and refreshing red kool-aid. Just because you are a spider doesn't mean you get special treatment, you've got to pay the piper for the red wine cooler just like everyone else no freebies for you. And no, we don't accept lethal venom by the nano-liter. C'mon be more original you little blemishes on the porcelain skin of the world. Brian Fellows said it best "That is one fuzzy bug. If I had a bug like that, I would make a coat out of him"

Since I know everyone loves picture books. I have a picture blog-a pictoblog if you will, to document my birthday.

There once was a girl named Gwenny. Gwenny went to the grocery store one day to get some food for a super sweet birthday bash of a party.

Gwenny was having a grand time perousing the cake mixes when she caught sight of her arch nemesis, Emilia checking how nutritous and delicious potato chips are-oh and they are quite because I say so.

Frantic to get her chips and get out, her T-Rex arms just weren't long enough and couldn't reach the always delish Doritos. Darn those genetic defects.

Along with having T-Rex arms, she also has short duck legs-yet another genetic defect-making it incredibly difficult to out-fight let alone out-run your foes. So she put her best defense mechanisms to work.

The Turtle move. It's a classic. Gets them every time.

*Phew!* That was a close call. The Turtle had worked!! The Evil Emilia hadn't seen Gwenny. She was soo out of the woods now. Or so she thought.

Emilia HAD indeed seen Gwenny and had waited to ambush her outside!! But Gwenny was ready for her and gave her the ole 1-2 combo right to the gipper. Gwenny worked those tiny little t-rex arms into shape, and those duck legs were burnin up the pavement. Good overcame evil once again. Gwenny is now ready to battle Madge and her evil Kabbalah empire.

The B-day Bash

Clinton-aka The Butcher

Garret-aka Canada

Make nice before blood.

A hair of assistance in the Socker Bopper department

And as Mills Lane would say: "Leeeeet's Get it on!"

The Butcher goes down first, but is merely tiring out the competition first. Those cows sure taught him the ways.

Just when wer thought the battle was over and declared Canada the winner, The Butcher hopped up and began to roll circles around unsuspecting Canada.

Emilia...ahem I mean Emily taking a birthday beating from the Birthday Girl.

After doling out a few beat downs, it turned out to be a pretty fabuloso day of the sumo birthday.

Applications Accepted Here

As far as I know, I have no enemies. I have a need for one. I am putting out an APB for one. Currently accepting applications. If you already hate my guts, then perfect! Fill out an application, because you are at the top of my list and have the most credentials for the job. Or if you are on my friend list and wish to make the switch, now if the time kids for I won't consider you a traitor-it'll be for a good cause. Fence sitter? Pick a team. You can't have cake and not digest it too.

Why would one want an enemy? Two words, my potential enemies. Mud Wrestling.

I was watching I love 1981: 3D-always amazing-when it did a little bit about a mud wrestling show. I don't know if it was the Sally Jesse Raphael of mud wrestling, but the idea sounded nice to me! So that got me thinking...I need someone to have a beef with me. So naturally I went to my mental Rolodex, I scrolled through to my enemy list, only to find it nonexistent. Perfect. To Do List: Find/Make an enemy, Find/Make Up/Steal an Awesome/Intimidating moniker, Find/Make a Fancy Fighting Suit.

First up on the agenda, my outfit. Not that I don't want to go Nacho Libre on all contenders, because believe you me I totally do! It's just that I don't think it would be fair to scar your tender precious retinas with all my wobbly bits on display for all to ogle jostling around reminding you that you forgot to saran-wrap the jello jigglers before you left the house-that is unless I charged admission. So for the sake of you my sweet, potentially cheering audience, I have chosen to keep it classy and don a formal gown, frolic in the mud, and administer a mud facial-complete with a mud bath for the rotting gums-to the dirty girl that stole my baby's' daddy while I have her straddled in a full-body-pin. 4 points for a takedown. Back off you desperate Sally Jesse Raphael writers, I thought of it first.