Just because you Move, Doesn't Mean the Scenery Changes.

I don't know if you know this, but Utah is a bit different than Washington. The driver's for instance think they are Miley Cyrus and have the best of both lanes. I submit that that is not true. I own that other lane and I charge rent thanks.

As radically different those two states are, the singles wards are basically the same. I'm not talking they have the same gospel principles or that they do things the same everywhere you go, I'm talking they all have their share of crazies. Maybe I'm just the common denominator and crazies will follow me wherever I go, or I just notice it more often than most. I'm sure that most of you have sat around a campfire or been joined with me in the bonds of a holy cuddlefest and shared the glorious stories of our testimony meeting experiences. But I have a doozy to share with you-my audience.

Once upon a time, a girl got up to bear her testimony. She proceeds to say that what if the church isn't true? What if all we are taught is a lie? (about this time I am thinking that she is going to be burning in hell come tomorrow) then she's flip flops by saying that it doesn't matter if it's true or not because of the feelings that it gives you. (this time I'm thinking...uh yes, that means it's true because that'd be the Holy Ghost telling you it's true you nutbag) Then she goes on to say that it's true what they say in that Country song "There's gotta be somethin More" by Sugarland, then she proceeds to sing it. Yep. She did it. She soloed during a testimony meeting. Soloed a Country ditty no less!!!!!!!! I immediately put my head down and started to giggle. Meredith looked around and NOBODY else was laughing or even cracked a smile. So either we are extremely inappropriate and rude, or this is a regular occurance. I would really like the latter to be the truth, but who knows. At least she had a decent voice or it would have been even more painful to bear!! The sad thing was, we had no idea or even suspected that she was nuts! I guess it's true: Don't judge a book by it's cover because it might try to eat you like that one carnivorous book from the Pagemaster-the lesser known Macaulay Culkin movie.

Lie to Me Like you Love me!

Being jobless makes me feel...inadecquate, boring, and lazy. But not for lack of trying. I have been to a few interviews...with nothing to show...yet. But that doesn't stop me from sweating like a hooker in a confessional all the way there and during the interview. Nerves are like jimmies on store bought cookies. You hate 'em but you don't have any choice otherwise because you really want that cookie.

Interviewing is torture. You have to sell yourself, pretending to be something you're not so that you can get a job you don't want so you can get money you do want to pay bills you don't want to pay. It's an ugly vicious cycle. I am no show dog, and during the interviewing process I feel like a mutt amongst the pure-breds. I can never jump high enough, run fast enough, have a coat silky enough, have nice enough teeth to be the Best in Show (I have been watching the Dog Shows along with Lifetime). The questions they ask I swear are configured to make me look a bumbling fool. The clincher: Tell me about yourself. All I want to say is "Me scared. Just wet my pants. I want mommy." Sad to say, that's not exactly the answer they were looking for. Too oft have I gotten the email that says we have narrowed the candidates and you are not among them. A.K.A. You suck as a person and will fail at everything you attempt. It makes me feel like sunshine dust every time I read those.

Someone wise once told me the best thing to do in an interview is to lie. I quite a skilled liar. But there are some character qualities that I'm PRETTY sure they will know you don't posses after a while. I can lie my way out of who ate the last Twix, who used the last of the milk, who broke that? Do you want to know who it always is? It was the Show Dog, in the bathroom, with the floss that's who.

Like Batman and Robin

I'm not one to be a holi-hater, but as of late, I see Holidays more of what they are to us consumers: money leeches. And boy am I a sucker for them!!!! I have a friend in the M.T.C., and I send him stuff for holidays and what not. When I go shopping and looking for stuff to send him, something comes over me it's like...like a disease. I want EVERYTHING!! I see a roll of bubble gum tape-I just HAVE to have it! Touche Market Research people. You pegged me this time...

To pass the time this Valentine's Day I plan on doing any combination of the following activities: send myself flowers, send myself chocolates, eat said chocolates, make cookies for a special someone, eat cookie dough for said cookies before they make it to the oven, cuddling up in a blanket with ice cream to watch Lifetime Lover's Lane-hopefully it will be Love Gone RIGHT weekend. I'm gonna have one heck of a chocolate hangover!! All with the trusty Meredith at my side. Like Tonto and the Lone Ranger. Thelma and Louise. Laverne and Shirley. Beavis and Butthead. Bert and Ernie-minus the gay undertones. Pinky and The Brain. Dr. Spock and Captain Kirk. Shaggy and Scooby. Who's who? That's up to you...I'll take any of them.