The way we were. By we I mean I.

Tag #1

Now tag #2You have to give five answers to each of the questions and pass it on.

To pass it on, you name them on your blog and you leave a comment notifying them on their blog.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:

1. Wearing a size 4

2. Picking Rocks

3. Playing with a cow calf

4. Crushing on Christian Slater

5. Watching TV in real time.

5 things on my to-do list today:

1. Go to Lowe's

2. Bake a tarte or crisp

3. Play board games with the fam.

4. Hit up the Goodwill or Calico Cat

5. Find myself a super sweet pair of snow boots

5 snacks I enjoy:

1. Peanut Butter and banannas on toast

2. cereal

3. Bread

4. Ritz or Wheat Thins

5. Granola

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:

1. Make a Continent change-Australia would be nice-and go to college while I'm at it

2. Buy a house close to Target with a super-fab kitchen and shower

3. Set up my Parents for life

4. Make sure the rest of the fam is well enough off

5. Start a college fund for...future posterity?

5 places I have lived:

1. Moses Lake, WA

2. Rexburg, ID

3. Girls Camp

4. Target-in my dreams

5. In my sweatpants or p-jams

5 jobs I have had:

1. Paper Route-past

2. Slave for hire for the Stoker family-past, present, and future

3. Concessions at the Baseball Fields-past

4. Nanny-past

5. Unofficial Paper Route-sadly present

Soak 'Em For Crutchie!!

Though this might come as a shock to some, I do stuff. I pretty much have a job. Not your typical 9-5, have to use your brain, get dressed out of your p-jams every day job. But one I do out of the goodness of my heart-but get meagerly compensated. I'm talkin' if this were my sole source of income I wouldn't even be able to survive on Mac' and Cheese-on sale even!! Needless to say it's not the BEST use of my time nor is it my ideal dream of a Knight in Shining Armour come true of what I would like to be doing at this point in time of my life. Some people just need help sometimes, and apparently my emotionally stagnant, cold-numb heart roused its wrinkled little tuchis out of hibernation to do a few good deeds. 4 months-ish of them to be exact. Oy Vey!

You could say every day life is a movie. I should sue for the movie rights. If not, then you should say it, and get someone to buy movie rights to it so I can live out my dream: some fabulous old schlimazel of a yenta with nothing better to do than yell at schlemiels in Yiddish, nosh my bagel and schmeer, and play cribbage. But in reality, my dreams are bupkis, because for the fragile time being I am Newspaper Delivery Professional. Thanks Mommala. I always knew this little bubelah would make you proud....oh..I'm getting a little verklempt!

I have a few words to say to the general public about this profession. Be it known to all of you who park on the street in front of paper recepticles (the newspaper boxes, keep up now) it's not my fault if you come up one side mirror of window short next time you come out to crank up your Miata. Furthermore, yes. I am a lazy mamzer, and I don't get paid to schlep your paper all the way to the door. I'm not the only one who could use the exercise a 10 foot walk to the edge of your driveway intails!!

I had a little run in yesterday with my rogue rival-the infamous Wenatchee World Lady. Like I said, my life is a movie: Newsies. The Newsies rivalring each other for papes sales. I get harassed almost daily by other paper district peddlers. It's like Cowboy Jack Kelly vs. Spot Conlon. Brooklyn Newsies vs. Queens Newsies. Me vs. The W.W. I tenderly refer to that schmendrick as We-snatch-ee World lady. Not only does she suposedly "rule the road" in her oh-so-classy periwinkle PT Cruiser, she makes her daughter get out schlep the papes!! Well cruise this you ole bag!! I'm gonna run over your paper boxes!!! No federal offense for me!!!

Which brings me to my next felony...I've got a beef with a Mail Lady as well. Suspected-by me-to also be a MALE Lady. She boxed me in yesterday, when I was trying to leave my coveted primo parking spot in front of a row of mailboxes and gave me attitude. The chutzpah!!! She doesn't know who she fooled with. I should've unleashed my unlucky beastie on her!! I should have never stopped pulling forward. I should have gunned it and made her brassy braided, too tan, cut off sleeve wearing self sorry she had every crossed my path, given her a lethal dose of McPain and Ba-Rocked her face right the eff off!!! Ragin' Cajun? Gruesome Twosome? Try Perp(etrator) with a Pape on for size, oh wait...my size 8's are too small for your mammoth sized dude-hooves!!!!

Put on a sweater, the paper business is a fierce and cold war kidlets.


Looks like it's borchst wishes and bupkis dreams. Mozel Tov to me!!

WWGD?

Yep. That's right. What Would Gwen Do? What would I do? I would do an experiment, and you can come along for the ride full of fun, excitement, with popcorn and cotton candy. Promise. Go to google.com. Do as I do-AND as I say. (go to google search your name plus whatever else I say and hit search) I took the top 4 raddest and put them on here.

Gwen says my baby is rad.
Gwen says her fans are freaks.
Gwen says I ate 1285 calories today!
Gwen says she is in a rush to have another! (another what? I wonder...)

Gwen loves that Antiques Roadshow.
Gwen loves her Tomato Bob.
Gwen loves to engage in feisty discussion.
Gwen loves houndstooth.

Gwen hates on harajuku lovers.
Gwen hates the girl who is so much like her.
Gwen hates me.
Gwen hates making the smallest decision, then blames herself for it.

Gwen wants another baby.
Gwen wants to help troubled Britney Spears.
Gwen wants in!
Gwen wants to reproduce with you. (Fact!)

Gwen needs no helmet!
Gwen needs to go.
Gwen needs a partner for kips.
Gwen needs a pair of roller skates to complete this white hot look.

Gwen looks like a washed up lounge singer.
Gwen looks like a 40-year-old Brittney Murphy without the photoshop.
Gwen looks like a tranny.
Gwen looks like a wild woman.
BONUS:
Gwen looks like a sick, dying bug.

Gwen likes to dance in chocolate fountains.
Gwen likes a bargain.
Gwen likes to say that her books and her dogs are her babies.
Gwen likes to eat chianese people.

Gwen does not like Godzilla.
Gwen does not seem to feel this is important.
Gwen does stuff specifically to make Theresa look bad in Ethan's eyes. (totally from Passions the best ex-soap opera ever)
Gwen does bring something different to the mix.

Gwen goes back to punk roots.
Gwen goes pumpkin hunting.
Gwen goes avant-garde.
Gwen goes lunching.

Gwen is killed by the Green Goblin. (yay for comic book references)
Gwen is your favorite.
Gwen is stabbed.
Gwen is hot.

I think that the winner of all goes to.........Gwen is a sick, dying bug!!!

P.S. That Gwen Stefani should change her name. Why should I have to? She's the one who sucks! (for all you Office Space fans out there. Yay for Michael Bolton!)

Life Sucks, and then you move on

In the last week, I've had purple hair, Blue hair, brown hair, a car wreck, and non-stop crying. Let's all hope it goes a heck of a lot better next week. Cross everything and wish me luck-because I don't have any!!!

Edward Scissorhoofs?

I found this picture while I was looking for a purple haired My Little Pony. Somebody has too much time on their hands. It is an impeccable resemblance though I must say.

Purple People Eater for real

A mass catastrophe has happened. Call the Coast Guard!! Call in Homeland Security!!! Call Nanny 9-1-1!!! Before I weave the web of this tragic saga, I must tell you that viewer discretion is advised. This story is not for the queasy stomach, no faint stomachs allowed. Belay on with the story.

I went and got my hair done Monday. I had this awesome idea, that was going to turn out really nice and it was going to look great-at least it did in my imagination. Blonde highlights, with dark purple lowlights-for winter they say to go dark, so for once I actually heeded that tidbit. The highlights and lowlights were put in at the same time, and were washed out at the same time. Bleaching the hair, first strips the hair so the shaft is more amiable to absorb the color. Remember this as it is crucial. As it was getting washed out, the bleached hair was so poreous that it sucked up all the excess purple that was getting washed out. I repeat. The purple bled all over the blonde.

The color pallate is very useful in hair coloring. The color green cancels out red, yellow and red cancels out blue-ish colors (something like that) that may be too cool for your skin tone. And finally, purple cancels out brassy tones. Purple being washed out of my hair, cancelled out the brassy-which was awesome-and also cancelled out a lot of the normal blonde, making it more silvery. I imagine the hair of an angel isn't gold. Isn't blonde. But more of a soft, wispery silvery-blonde. Which my roots mostly are now. The rest of it is almost a neon purple-with the exception of the dark lowlights-which turned out exactly how I imagined them, but they brought a traitorous BFFF. Bleeding.

I look like a secret love child of a My Little Pony (the mane and tail hair was always very...vibrant) and a Fraggle (for those of you too young to know what a Fraggle is, think pre-Muppet-Jim Henson creation) I digress. It doesn't look really bad. I'm just not used to looking like Rainbow Bright's friend Shy Violet. Good thing I like purple! Why are 4 out of 5 of Strawberry Shortcake's Nemesis' color of choice purple?? With the exception of Licorice Whip; Raisin Cane, Sour Grapes, and The Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak all have references to purple in their name and clothing color choice. Her friend Almond Tea from China Cup has purple hair too.

I'm not mad. I am still in shock that I, Gwendolyn Breyette Stoker, have purple hair. Good thing Halloween is coming up :)