Let's Make like an air freshener and get Oust a here!

Ahh... Monsieur Decisions. We meet again. What shall it be this time? Stay at crappy job-albeit well paying jobby job? Or put on my purple plastic rimmed glasses and go back to school and again drown myself in a sea of textbooks?

Oh School...you win! You always do.

You know what they always say, when the goin gets tough, Gwen goes back to school. So fellow Basin-ites, I shall being seeing you faster than you can ask why! (Actually no, not that fast.)
And for the record: Call Center for Customer Service is not my forte. Just for future reference.

Tis The Season...

Wedding Season. Yes. Swimsuit. Unfortunately Yes. But also apparently it is Hurricane Season in the SLC.

This morning, thanks to my GENIUS idea, I decided that my cousin and I take her kidlet to the local "waterpark", as they are tenderly referred to down here-no they don't have Aquatic Centers as I have become accustomed.

So it was quite toasty all morning, with a hint of overcast. They had slides! Talk about the cats meow! I just had to have me some! So naturally I went down it like 4 times. Each time more drown than the last.

After we got done swimming, I decided to head home for a quick rinse, then head back over to Mickey Mick's house for some SYTYCD results. After I get home and have tasty treat, it starts to rain+thunder+lightning. I do love me some stormy weather. I'm home for maybe 20 minutes, throw some laundry in, get ready to hit the showers, and boom+crack+boom=lights out on poor Gwenny. That's right. My power supply decided to hit the showers at the exact same time. Who would have known!! I'm not totally sure as to how long the power was out, ( I decided that if the power was going to be on sebatical then so was I, back to Mickey Mick's house). Off I went in full sweat pant garb-you know-gloomy weather clothes that give a little back when you've eaten a little-or a lot-too much. And I'm a quarter of the way there, and I promise you this, my windshield wipers were working hard. Got every penny's worth out of those suckers today. They haven't seen that much rain since...they were fabricated. Ever been through a drive through car wash? Or sat in the car while someone hosed it down at a manual car wash? That's exactly what driving through the rain today was like-times 3!!!

All in all twas a good day. I got some sun, and my car got washed, and I even got some SYTYCD in. Can't deny I wasn't the tiniest bit productive.

Chht...Earth to Mars...Chht

Aloha Kids!!! I just want to throw out there a quick apology for the non-bloggedness, I have been a LITTLE pre-occupied. With the whole moving business-which by the way-zero degrees of awesome. Mental note for all you future movers and shakers out there: HIRE A FREAKING MOVING COMPANY!!!!! I don't get paid to bust mine and hoof boxes up and down 3 flights of stairs, just to leave my room full of boxes for 2 weeks...I should definately get paid for that.

Also, I have been watchin some shows!!! As most of you people know, So You Think You Can Dance has recently started up again, I'm super excited as most of you know. Also, my new roommate has 3 seasons of Veronica Mars-which has more ups and downs than a bipolar woman. It's such a pillow wrencher-you know, one of those shows that keeps you on the edge of your seat grasping a throw pillow. Veronica has kissed more guys in 5 episodes than I have in my whole dating experience! Not that I'm complaining, and oooh I am watching it right now and she just switched boyfriends!!!! If only real life had that sort of luxury :) Is it weird that I am living out my romantic life through Veronica Mars? Probably. Do I know that? Yes. Am I gonna change? Not a chance, not until they start making TV shows about my life. Trust me. The drama. Is. Worth. It.

The Anatomy of a Sneeze

Whenever I think of sneezes, and blessing people after they sneeze, I am always taken back to Dane Cook's comedy bit about when the guy next to him sneezes on him. Naturally Dane says, "God Bless You." So the Sneezer says, "Actually, I'm Athiest." They then begins to debate about religion, and reincarnation specifically and how the Athiest wants to come back to Earth as a tree. Dane then says, "I hope one day you're in the wilderness, some huge sweaty Lumberjack comes along and hacks you down, throws a chain around and you get drug throught the mud and the muck, tossed into some sawmill where they chop up into tons of little pieces, ground into pieces of paper, and then I hope they print the Bible on you."

Now let's bring this full circlelately at work I've been what I like to call "on the phones" taking "calls". Today I took a call, and this lady sneezed into the phone, usually I ignore things like that because they distract me from my job, anyway the Lady immediately said and I quote, "Bless Me." Wow...isn't that my job to "bless you"? By doing that, she put me on the expressway-the HOV lane if you will-to my job being done for me. Thank you ma'am for being a valued customer and making my job that much easier. No, YOU have a good day now-I insist.

I'm a little Verklempt...a chickpea is neither a chick nor a pea-discuss amongst yourselves...

Sooo....I have some good news!!!!! It's a boy!!!!!! kidding kidding...but it was funny, no? I mean considering I haven't blogged for some time, and most people who read this, haven't seen me in a few months, so for all you readers know, I got knocked up and moved to Utah. But no, that's not the case.

I do have good news though! I am officially graduating from training at work tomorrow!!!! I'm so happy I could cry!!!!! I don't even think I was this excited to graduate from High School!!! How sad is that?!?! I was there for 12 years longer! But as a special "Thank You", my trainers are throwing me a pizza party! I say me, because I'm pretty sure I am almost the only one with perfect attendance. Impressed? Take a number!! Cuz I am too!!! But starting Thursday I get to half-way officially start my job. I start "on the job training", which is better than regular training, but not as monotonous as my real job. So it has its perks.

Second motion of business, did anyone watch SNL last weekend? SO FUNNY! I mean Justin Timberlake is funny, but last weekends show was just INSANE! This is my favorite-favorite appropriate-sketch from last weekend enjoy!! Sorry it's so small!!! Somebody at Hulu is gonna get fired over that, and I mean this!!

Mooooo-ve it!

So I got a text from my sister this week with a picture of our new cow, asking me to name it. After a little thought and hesitation I threw out some names: Moo Jackman, Dwight Moo-te, Jim Cowpert, Darth Utter, and Slim Jim-because it's ironic-thus funny. Obviously my family wasn't-as excited as I was at these new-cow-names. You want to have a say and maybe a steak when he goes bye bye? Then leave me a ditty in the comments for your name ideas because I'm fresh out. The last one was Moo Heafer-like Hugh Heafner heh heh.

Next order of business. I don't know how many of you know this...but moving SUCKS! Moving in sucks, moving out sucks, heck even looking for a house sucks!!! I live in a 3 story walk up-it's nice, I would even hinge out to say that it is rather quite nice if I do say so myself, and moving in was harder than getting into college. I've never hated a TV or comfy couch before in my entire life, or even boxes of food, than when I had to hoof them up those 3 flights of stairs. Out of shape I may be, but that's just torture!!! Everyday is a dread when you have to go get the mail, because no matter how used to "the thin air" you are (that's what I blame being out of breath on), you are never quite the same when you walk back up. Makes me feel like I'm so big I won't fit through my doorway when I FINALLY huff and puff my plump little tush up those stairs!! But don't you worry, I feel a WHOLE lot better when I get in the door and stuff my face with as many cookies as possible. My current P.R. (personal record) is 7 of those Elf cookies. They're definately good motivation to actually go back upstairs.

Right now I'm looking for a place around Salt Lake, and lemme tell ya, the only things I see are dumps! I could live in the junk out on Broadway and be classier than these. And top 4 things I wish I knew before I moved:

1: take only what you need to survive. No, you don't need every curling iron you've ever owned...or your industrial strength blowdrier-I had to throw that in.

2: which floor I live on

3: how heavy is my junk

4: how many roommates can I make carry it in for me.

True Life: The Office

As many of you might not know, I am now currently employed. Yay me! It sucks right now because I'm in training for the next 18 weeks...awesome. NOT. But as entertainment for my everyday, I have figured out that everyone always says that the place they work in is just like The Office. There's always a Jim, a Pam-not necessarily together, a Creed, an Andy, an Angela, and a Toby. I am no exception. I have taken note that I currently have: a Jim, a Meredith, a Phyllis, an Andy, a Stanley, an Angela, and a temp (Ryan).

I sit by Angela. She is the Queen of oversharing...and awkward nose blows in my ear ewe.




My Stanley is quite a bit more upbeat, but he talks the same way...and still loves pretzels.

My Meredith...well she is just as negative, and just as much a redhead...without the booze and the flashing and inappropriate-ness...that I know of.

My Andy, I actually like him. He always volunteers. Go you and Go Cornell.

Oh my Phyllis. My sweet sweet Phyllis. I actually don't know her name, she isn't in my training class, but I always see her on break when I come back from lunch a-knitting-away on some pot holder lookin things. She's a winner...and she got a winner. Bob Vance. Vance Refrigeration.

I am on the fence about my Jim...I don't really interact much with him...but he's funny. And he laughs at my jokes. I guess what's not to like!!!
I couldn't decide if I was Kelly or Jan. Kelly is way more annoying than I, so I went with Jan because she's hotter. Everyone wants to be the hot one at the office right? Well, hot one quit, so I mean I GUESS I could take up that office for her, I mean twist my arm...

I saved my favorite for last. I also sit next to Professor Norton Nimnul from The Rescue Rangers for those of you aged enough to have enjoyed this specimen. He looks just like him...but with more hair and more of a full beard goin on. He keeps me entertained during long boring days. I had a conversation with him today about Harry Carey on SNL, I about fell off my chair when Professor Nimnul asked me if I were a hot dog, if I'de eat myself. Oh the joys of My Office.

P.S. I have an Oscar too, but I'm almost positive he's not gay. Like 89%.