"If you cannot hide the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance."-George Bernard Shaw

After doing several hours of driving, I came home and to my complete and utter astonishment, found my Dad sitting at the table, apparently anxious for me to come home. Maybe it was wishful thinking that he missed me, maybe he just polished off a mid-afternoon snackaroo, or maybe he just longed for a decent conversation since I and my mom were partying elsewhere-and after a while the pets stop responding. My padre is never one to convey emotions. His behavior threw me for a loop for sure! This all is followed up by an in depth query about how my weekend went. Tender family moment, I know. All this lovey dovey family stuff was exhausting, so I did a little blog surfing. During my surf extravaganza, I happened upon a friends blog. She had blogged about her and her Dad fixing her dented bumper. Which took me back. Back to a...dare I say..better day? Better day doesn't quite capture the ambiance of the events. For those of you who don't know my dad, he's a burly feller, and frankly he has seen more limber days. A mans-man nonetheless, he likes to think of himself a Mr. Fix-it. And don't get me wrong he manages to fix things the proper way every now and then, but the rest of the time things are just jimmied, hammered, and epoxied into where they "should" or are "supposed" to fit. I have plenty of experience hours under my hammer-holding, wrench wielding tool belt fixing the fruits of my inexperienced driving labors, and the most fun I ever have is putting on gross sweats, my moms oversize clogs, and let's not forget the indescribable lesbian jacket. Aptly named because it makes you look like a very husky lesbian lumberjack. I usually look somewhere between a 15 year old Kurt Cobain and a dirty homeless person. But this experience doesn't come from me. It actually happened to Kalvin-the broseph de yours truly-but it has been recounted enough times that I know the events relatively well. (and for the sake of the story I will be referred to mostly in the 3rd person omniscient)

One Saturday, it was the usual schedule: Breakfast, Gwen mowing the lawn, and Kalvin and Dad tinkering in the shop. With the lawn freshly mowed, and a very dirty Gwen drinking some water at the kitchen table, a not too happy padre, followed by a hysterically giggly Kalvin walk through the door. They had been fixing a snowmobile or something, when a crucial part of some mechanism did not want to go to its home. Contrary to popular belief this was not pleasing to the padre. After about 15 minutes of no luck getting the part into its place, Kalvin and innocent bystander narrowly escaped having his cappa detated from his person by a rogue airborne snowmobile part. After chucking the part like a reluctant 3 year old, the padre walked over and proceeded to jump up and down on the part. (the best way I could even begin to describe the way he walked over to the part is to have you imagine Bette Midler's character in Hocus Pocus, when her and her sisters are walking down the street searching for their book) More often than not, we end up buying two of whatever we are fixing, because Round 1 ends up with Dad breaking the part trying to finagle it some way that it does not want to be contorted. And Round 2 is usually successful because dad knows what will and won't work. So trying to cause mortal harm to an inanimate object, he morphs into what Kalvin thinks resembles a monkey. In our family car fixing and vulgarity goes hand in hand, so naturally accompanying the loose zoo animal were a few choice words one might hear from an angry person.

Completely hilarious. My dad played sports in high school, but the only time I ever remember my dad doing anything remotely athletic was playing baseball at a family reunion like 10 years ago. But he saves a few tricks up his sleeve, and surprises me every now and then. Everything about that scenario I can imagine, but dad going ape on a car part? That's gonna take Dr. Suess! Oh the thinks I can't think!

Not to tarnish the padre, he truly is pretty awesome. No matter how irritated, or angry, or frustrated he makes me. I'm pretty sure (kidding I know) he hearts me and he would and has done everything in his power to give me the things I want...and to fix the things I break :) Sometimes I think I take for granted the things my dad does for me. I like to think I pay him back by annoying the bajeezes out of him, and making stupid comments. My jarb here is done. check please.

Cheers Big Ears!