Thursday, September 11, 2008

"I like me, and you should too!": Secret Life of Gwen

101 Fun Factoids about me:







1. I have chapstick stashed everywhere for those just in case moments.

2. I read. A lot. For fun. And enjoy it.

3. I am an impeccable speller. I'm my own spell check :)

4. In text messages I always punctuate, have correct capital letters, and use proper grammar.
5. I could eat home made macaroni and cheese for the rest of my life and be a-ok with that.

6. I have snowmobiled my entire life...as a co-pilot. I very seldom get to drive.

7. I have had 4 serious surgeries to fix the same problem.

8. I have pretty much had the same friends since kindergarten.

9. I am not as blind as my glasses say I am. No material thing can imprison me. NEVER!

10. I went through a controversial tom-boy phase in the 4th grade where I had long blonde hair that I curled or did something with every day, but dressed like a boy. Oh wait...fast forward to present day...still haven't grown out of it!

11. I could never wear jeans again in my life and die happy.

12. I used to have bottle cap glasses.

13. On those bottle cap glasses I used to have a Mickey/Minnie Mouse applique in the bottom corner of my glasses. My mom said it looked cool.

14. I like shoes. I won't disclose how many I own, but I will have you know that I wear all of them on a regular basis.

15. My mom believes in jewelry, and when she is no longer with us, I will too.

16. The last time I went paint-balling, I got shot in a tender place, cried my eyes out, ran away, and have never gone back.

17. I don't usually drink pop, unless it's my only option.

18. I can share shoes with my oldest sister, but not my other one.

19. My sister that I can't share shoes with and I steal clothes back and forth from each other.

20. I can't hide anything in my sock drawer...because it is entirely full of socks.

21. My first car was a tan 1979 Nissan Pick-up. I was ridin' dirty.

22. In the fall/winter months I like making bread and other comfort foods.

23. My first crush was Christian Slater.

24. I loved him because I saw him in Kuffs.

25. I hate pink.

26. The only vegetable I like are cucumbers.

27. I eat all the corners off of my sandwich first.

28. I only eat chunky peanut butter.

29. I never put on lotion.

30. I am terrible with art, but have a deep appreciation for it.

31. I'm OCD, but not very organized.

32. I won't wash my car unless I have time to clean my tires and wax it.

33. I thoroughly enjoy reading Shakespeare.

34. My favorite play is Much Ado About Nothing.

35. Sometimes I think I should have been born in the 19th century.

36. I love big ball gowns and getting dressed up.

37. Whenever something emotionally straining happens in my life, I change my hairstyle to cope.

38. I like reading deep, in depth books that make you think.

39. I never scream when I get scared.

40. My eyes vary in shades of blue in accordance with my mood. If I've been crying, my eyes are light blue/turquoise.

41. I really love camping.

42. I would rather bicycle for 1 hours than run for 20 minutes.

43. I am actually related to Bram Stoker, the author of Dracula.

44. My biggest fear is getting into trouble.

45. I usually feel guilty about things I do, and constantly worry that I'm being selfish with my decisions.

46. I have never broken a bone, but totally want to try crutches.

47. I always get hit with a ball or otherwise injured whenever I play a sport. Contact or not.

48. I usually wear socks to bed.

49. I love driving a stick shift.

50. I love mowing the lawn.

51. The songs on my playlists are never of the same genre. One rock, one contemporary, one country, one 80's hair band, etc.

52. My CTR ring is molded to the shape of my finger.

53. I can't ride a bicycle on gravel. I suppose I possess the ability, I just had a bad experience and try to avoid it at all costs.

54. I have an extremely good memory.

55. I only read books once.

56. I only watch movies once.

57. I love chivalry, but I don't always feel the need to have everything constantly done for me.

58. I'm not a feminist, but I think women should have equal rights, a voice, and be able to make their own decisions.

59. My closet is color coordinated, then sorted by sleeve length and style.

60. I love getting muddy.

61. I was never attached to a blanket or needed a pacifier when I was little.

62. I've milked a goat and helped birth kids-goat talk for "baby".

63. I've been on the front page of the newspaper.

64. Driven in excess of 100 mph.-Sorry Mom

65. I've hiked to hot springs while my leg was bleeding out.

66. I'm very good at understanding other languages even though I'm not fluent in any other than English.

67. I've shaved my dog like a lion.



68. I've shot a cow-my own-with a paintball gun.

69. I've taped a cats foot pads to see what would happen.

70. I've rocked a baby to sleep.

71. I'm pretty good at woodshop and have carved out and shaped a dolphin and dog.

72. I'm very considerate and thoughtful. (I hope)

73. I am an excellent tipper at restaurants.

74. I have really good hand eye coordination and rhythm, although I am not a very good pianist.

75. I chew the sides of my nails when I get nervous.

76. I don't like wearing hats, mostly because I think I look like a boy-which is not intended.

77. I don't put butter on my toast or french toast.

78. I could live off cereal I love it so much and did for a while in college voluntarily .

79. I won Young Writers 3 times.

80. My middle name is Breyette (bree-yet). I have yet to meet anyone with that name.

81. I love reading poetry, especially when I don't understand it because then I can interpret it to my life and it means so much more.

82. I've been stung my lots of bees at one time, just like the boy in My Girl.

83. I'm very self conscious about my height.

84. Laughed until I cried.

85. I know how to crochet and cross-stitch.

86. Practiced a sport for more than 6 hours straight.

87. I lose sense of reality more often than I should.

88. I've choked down something really gross, so I wouldn't be rude or seem like a high maintenance, picky eater.

89. My toenails (I hate that word by the way) are always painted.

90. I am convinced that I will be my mother.

91. Hidden because I was terrified.

92. I keep a list of thought provoking, inspirational, and meaningful quotes in my phone.

93. I like most songs because I can identify with the lyrics.

94. For my sweet 16, I was at the worst girls camp location, but that was the most memorable year.

95. I never wear watches, and actually don't own one.

96. I love exotic, beautiful jewelry from other countries.

97. The best advice I've ever gotten is: To never cry over someone who isn't willing to cry over you. Courtesy of Lauren Conrad from The Hills.

98. I used to not like my name and asked my mom if I could change it. She said give it time. Now I think I like it.

99. I really enjoy biology topics and classes, but don't do very well in them.

100. It takes me 30-45 minutes to eat one orange. It gives me the willies to eat the skin and stringy things.

101. I like sitting alone in silence.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Is that your brains on the floor, or did I just blow your mind?

Lately, I find myself dragging my feet about blogging. My personal coup against myself if you will. Not that I have nothing to blog about. Believe me, I could go all day. It's just...gloomy weather makes for a gloomy Gwen. I firmly believe that summer is officially over. And has been since the day fair ended. I have already bought myself a new pair-ok 2 pair-of winter slippers. One was 5 dollars and totally old manish-yet uber comfortable, thus uber justifiable. Broke out sweatshirts and pants? Check. Dusted off last seasons winter coat? Double Check. You show me a day that it gets above 85-90 degrees and I'll print this blog out and literally eat my words. Call me a seasonal pessimist...but I am not Falls hugest fan. I love the colors, and I really like to layer stuff-and can't wait to break free and parade my fur lined vest once more-It's just the doom and gloom that seems inevitably forlorn in the forecast for Fall. Summer lovin' is over. Summertime memories no more. No more catchy tunes about summer lovin' or flings-neither of which my summer consisted of. Excited as I am about pending new changes in my super thrilling existence, Fall never ceases to put me in a funk. So to get myself out of this so called funk, I had to bring into play the heavy artillery. My cowboy calendar. It's something about half clothed men-which half I shall leave to your disgression-with a cowboy hat and utility belt that instantly morphs me into a giddy little school-girl and that's just what the Doctor ordered.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

"I like whiskers on kittens, big woolen mittens, copper kettles, streudles and noodles, these are a few of my favorite things."-Applesauce Pete

5 of your favorite things

-gym shoes...aww heck all shoes!

-sweaters with kangaroo pockets and hoods. a.k.a. A Hoodie

-Naps

-cheese, bread, whipped cream, and juice-I figured I could lump all the food items into one category

-Imagine me and you. It's true. Lounging around a campfire in a soft hoodie so happy together!

5 things you wanted to be when you grew up

-Lawyer because I heard they made bank. But then ditched it after I heard how much school they had to go through.

-Dental Hygienist-ditched also when I heard how competative it is.

-Stewardess-Just think about it! Travel for work? AWESOME!

-Speech Pathologist-only slightly ditched, still roaming somewhere around the depths of my subconscious between Optomotrist and Professional Baker.

-Writer/Editor-only recently acquired

5 of the best compliments that you have ever received

- some old "Biker for Jesus" dude at the ticket gate to the Rodeo told me I have a beautiful smile. If a compliment comes from a dirty old man, is it still valid?

-People always tell me I have nice legs, or in some cases they say I have such killer legs they want to stab me.

-A few people tell me that I should be a writer. Give me a shout out in comment form about what you think.

- At the rodeo one of my sisters old friends didn't recognize me, he thought I was a cousin. I took that as a compliment. Perhaps it means that I have actually gotten cuter since my afro puff bangs, coke bottle glasses, honkey style days.

- a couple dudes have actually told me I have a really nice butt, brought to my attention only because my siblings do not share my ample genetic gift. I've always thought it as weird to vocalize such compliments, but heck I'll take it and to this day it still makes me feel on top of old smokey.

5 songs that you would pick as your theme songs.

- Back in Black-AC/DC

- Save Room-John Legend

- Ready, Aim, Misfire-New Years Day

- That Girl has Love-Rooney

-Johnny and June-Heidi Newfield

Honorable Mention: Stickshifts and Safetybelts-Cake, Last of Days-A Fine Frenzy, Time is Running Out-Muse

5 people that inspire(d) you.

-My Mom-who supports me whatever lame or ridiculous choices I make.

-6'3" Beach Volleyball player Kerri Walsh and her partner Misty May-Treanor, who have inspired me to "get up offa that thing" and train to be in 2010 Olympics.

-That one surfer girl who got her arm bit off by a shark. She got her biscuit right back onto that surfboard, worked out her balancing with one arm issues and surfed her way into American's hearts.

-Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs. He makes my previous jobs seem like a switchboard operator. I salute you with a tip of my squeaky clean cap.

-Myself. Someone once said "The only player better than yourself, is the one you are tomorrow." Thus is life.

5 things I like about county fairs/festivals

-I have a love hate relationship with carnies. I love looking at them and taking pictures of their meticulously sculpted mullets, but hate it when they talk to me.

-two words. Commerical Booth. another two. Free Stuff.

-Petting Zoo. I love seein' me a fresh shaved sheep.

-Elephant Ears

-All the food choices! I love having options! Like do I want a burger? or should I walk 2 feet and get a gyro? Decisions decisions!!!

5 things I take with me when I leave the house

-phone

-keys

-iPod

-purse?

-extra pairs of clothes

5 of my favorite days of the year

-Birthday

-Christmas

-Halloween

-St. Patricks Day

-No Pants Day. It's real. Believe it.

5 genres of music I listen to

-Huge fan of the 80's

-Soft spot in my heart for Oldies.

-Country

-Rock

-Acoustic? If that can even be considered a genre

5 of my favorite places to shop

-Forever 21 for shoes

-American Eagle I suppose

-PacSun

-WinCo Foods

-Target. Enough said right?


I spotted this little gem on a fellow bloggers blog. I resent that! Why do mormons have to be categorized with baby killers and dikes on bikes???? And personally, I don't think sports nuts are THAT bad. Sports Nuts who think you're dumb for not knowing who won the Stanley Cup in 1984? (that'd be the Oilers-with Wayne Gretzky) Now thats a whole new chestnut altogether. Last I checked...tax evaders are more despicable than us mormons, so hows about they get stereotyped instead.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Ask me about my balls!!!

I don't think I need to mention-but am going to anyway-how my blog promise has gone. I blogged a full..2 MAYBE 3 times. But it goes without saying that's just the way I roll. I like to keep people guessing. Before I get on to the subject of today's blog, I want to shout out to the Moses Lake Round-up Rodeo and Demolition Derby. Except the Rodeo part-not yet anyway. Hey oh! This Demo Derby ain't seen nothin yet, and I mean this. Last night I got my grubbies on, and went to help Josh and Emily gut her demo car. After experimenting with the windshield-trying to break it that is. I gave up because I hate loud noises and that's all I was successfully doing. Later on, we tried to get a side window out-but couldn't. So I conducted another experiment. The Window vs. The Hammer. This wasn't a WWF Smackdown. This was complete and utter annihilation!!! That window SHATTERED. For safety reasons I had Josh and Emily back up so they were behind me, you know me Safety McSaferson without safety spectacles. There was glass everywhere. I'm pretty sure that was THE biggest adrenaline rush I have ever had. That and the knowledge that I wasn't gonna get in trouble for shattering a window probably helped the adrenaline high.


I baked a cake for a friends birthday the other day. It was one of those Better Than Sex Cakes-not that I would know if it truly were better. I've had this cake before, but I've never made it myself. Nor do I even know how it is yet, because of scheduling conflicts I have yet to hand over the birthday shenanigan. This brings me to a cupcake place I stumbled upon back in Rexburg. I do believe its called the Cocoa Bean. It was basically a gourmet cupcakery that served sno-cones too. And Gourmet it was.

They had a cupcake version of my sinful-pun intended-cake. It was rich, chocolaty, with caramely fantasies, and toffee dreams. I made it my supreme goal after making this cake, that I would find said recipe for incredible decadence even if it took me to the farthest reaches of the Internet. And along for the ride was my crazed desire for the insanely delectable Red Velvet cupcake recipe they had there. I found recipes that were similar, but none that promised me the joy of my first time. That first succulent bite. Around the time I thought all was lost, I stumbled to this lady's blog. It was something about a Bakerella. I assumed that she was either terrible at baking, super good at baking, or a kitchen slave. Just my luck. She was a Kitchen slave who was super good at baking! I perused her baking successes and thought of my impending baking catastrophes...until I found a recipe. First glance at the picture, and I could have sworn it was my Magic Cookie Ball impostor. My eyes had fashnookered me. Lo and behold this recipe held a secret secret. No cookie? THAT'S MADNESS!!



After further chef worthy ready, I quickly saw that it was a recipe so divine that I would surely have people anywhere short of drooling all over their perma-wrinkled Hollister cargo's. Oh their taste buds will rejoice! Not to mention mine as well. I am definately adding this weapon of mass delight to my extensive recipe arsenal that I will call upon one day to wage some serious war that will help me snag myself a real honey-by being the bomb dessert (aka awesome) that will blow the schnikies out of their minds. This ball looks to be so mouthwateringly tasty, that when it rears it gorgeous head, the heavens truly will open and shower down rainbow colored jimmies and everyone's trouble will melt away like lemon drops. Eat your heart out Judy Garland and watch out World...and friends alike. Say Hello, to my little (new found) friend. The Cake Ball.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Pack of the Fanny

After some intense blog-perusing looking for a little inspiration for today's rant..ahem I mean blog, I found the perfect topic. Contrary to what you thought by the title of this blog, it is not about bums, rumps, booties, badonks, hindquarters, or posteriors. I am sorry if I misled you in any way, continue on if you are not severely disappointed and/or leave me a comment about it and maybe I will weave an ode to your bum.








But-no pun intended-it is about fanny packs. Ridiculous as the group on ABDC seems-they can do a few things I can't, so I can't knock them, fanny packs are pretty rad. But I would encourage them to only be worn out of mocking-but in mocking you are allowed to fill it with necessities i.e. germ-x, moist towelettes, suckers, jolly ranchers, ring pops, chapstick, phones, ipods, and the like. But if anyone seriously considered it, I'm talking to the monogrammed extent that no one should consider, then it is automatically a fashion faux paux. A fashion DON'T even try! For example, girls camp 2008. Yours truly was in attendance, and in my new found authoritative position, took it upon myself to supply every estrogen producing adolescent with band-aids, suckers, germ-x, chapstick, mosquito bite medicine, Tylenol/Benadryl-which apparently you aren't allowed to dole out, but was SO necessary for myself- as needed. All of which I crammed into my handy dandy hot pink and purple 1980's original fanny pack. Fashionable and quite popular at girls camp I was. Oh yes my friends, Columbia outdoors knew how to make me fashionable on the trail then, and are still crankin out high quality North Face rival mountain survival gear today, but with an updated color palette of course.



I petition to jean/short designers and manufacturers worldwide, that they make men's jeans and shorts just one big pocket. Obviously men can't carry enough in their pockets, thus the dawn of the ever homo-I apologize for the stereotype-man-bag. What's a girl to do when their lover can't fit their keys into his pockets? Stuff them deep into the abyss of her blouse? I think not. It is highly noticeable not to mention extremely uncomfortable, but it does allow you a dirty little secret next time someone asks to see your keys. Dare I say that they have been where no man/key has been before? So next time you are jean shopping men and the ladies both, buy a pair with adequate pocket space enough for all your gadgets and toiletries, or get comfortable with stressing out over matching your new sensible fanny pack or man bag to the rest of your ensemble. Good Luck future don'ts! I bid you lucky shopping!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Fellow Knows Best

I do heartily apologize for the lack of the blog from my department. I have not held up my contract. I would like to blame it on me actually have gotten a life and done some things. But alas. Lie I do. It is true that I have been out of town quite a bit, but that does not excuse this behavior. So I am going to do a little experiment. I am going to blog every day for the next week.

I went on a mini-cation a couple weekends ago. It was amazing. Lincoln City, Oregon never even saw Hurricane Stoker coming. It was a complete surprise attack from the ocean accompanied by rogue and sneaker waves. Tagard Outlet mall has consumed every bit of my carefully planned out 401K. It was an exciting weekend filled with clamming which is quite the hot new extreme sport. Might I also add that this particular Stoker branch-especially my entity-doesn't eat clam, nor do we have any idea of how we would go about the consumption of said vile crustacean. Antiqueing also wasted a majority of our weekend. Here I thought antiqueing would be an enlightening experience taking my brain back to a better time. Yea a better time that is assanignly expensive to remember. It was an expensive garage sale of junk.

Now I would like to jump a few weeks that were filled with a few special things but none of grave importance to blog readers anywhere-ooh except for American Idol which was fab as well it should have been-to today.

I decided to hit the garden hard today, and pick some berries of the rasp persuasion. And pick I did. Minus the exception of a few disgust-a-berries, I got a farmers market quality bowl of the Stoker household delicacy. I braved the elements. Sun, Wind, and spiders. Those 8-legged miscrients are a disgrace to my garden. As if delving myself deep into overgrown, berry-bearing pricklers isn't enough sacrifice for the sweet treat, I had to keep an eye out for those potentially fatal sneaklers. Similar looking to a bee keeper, I was fully clothed just to make sure I completely thwarted every vampiric spider from sampling my always light and refreshing red kool-aid. Just because you are a spider doesn't mean you get special treatment, you've got to pay the piper for the red wine cooler just like everyone else no freebies for you. And no, we don't accept lethal venom by the nano-liter. C'mon be more original you little blemishes on the porcelain skin of the world. Brian Fellows said it best "That is one fuzzy bug. If I had a bug like that, I would make a coat out of him"